Thursday, October 27, 2011

good morning..

SO i bitch that i never get childcare and that i never have time to go to appointments.. and well i have one today for me and one for logan but honestly i feel like shit. And logan has a runny nose like a waterfall. So im not doing anything today..  ALaina has school today and all i have to say is thank god.. i need a break everyonce in awhile and today is one of them. Dont get me wrong i love my children but if you have never had to deal with them you wouldnt understand.

Logan tries so hard to play with this sister but she is so mean to him. Alaina she screams and throws things all freaking day long.. Sometimes i wish i had a normal child. One who could speak and talk to me. Instead of crying and screaming all the time. Like i said dont get me wrong i love both of my children..

Waiting for news from the hubby is killing me. i swear this FRG has no freaking clue what the heck they are doing and its irratating.. so usually i have to wait to hear things from my husband.

I need sleep. I am so tired... i dont get a good nights rest ever i sleep with alaina and i just want 1 night where i am not woken up by either kid for stupid reasons... my body cant handle this wake up because i need to  reposistion her or something..

i am so tired of feeling the way i do. I am tired of feelings depressed, i am tired of the anxiety. i am tired of all the pills. but i dont not like who i am when i am off of them.  Sometimes i swear these pills arent enough. I try so hard to be that good mom that doesnt yell at her kids.. but the anxiety kicks in and i havent been able to have a break and its just edging at me. Hello i havent showered alone since my husband left in july.

This weekend i asked a friend if her oldest can come sit with the kids while i go out for a few hours... just myself..

Im tired of holding all these feelings in. Im tired of trying to be the perfect mom.. Im tired of trying to be perfect for everyone.. Im not perfect.. My marriage isnt perfect, my kids arent perfect, my life isnt perfect... im tired...

1 comment:

  1. You are a WONDERFUL mom and person. No one expects you to be perfect and do it on your own. I really wish you were back in WA so your family could help. It breaks my heart to see you feel like this.I wish there was something I could do to help. You need time to yourself every once in a while or you'll go crazy. Don't feel bad for taking that time! Keep your head up. I love you!