Saturday, November 26, 2011

a little annoyed...

why is it everytime my phone rings and its my friends i answer but half the time when i call them they dont? if my friends need something i am the first to jump... but when i need something its always excuses?

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Train derails on Fort Carson | | Colorado Springs | Pueblo |

Train derails on Fort Carson | | Colorado Springs | Pueblo |

this is awesome! i always find things like this awesome! only when people dont get hurt... Its pretty interesting to watch the mechanics of trains and how it runs on the tracks and how it derails and people have to get it back on the tracks... call me weird.. but i think its pretty nifty...

Monday, November 14, 2011


I wish my siblings knew what they have... I just dropped my parents off at the airport so they could fly home.. I miss my parents sooo very much.

Sometimes i hate the military and i hate being sooooo far from home.

Thursday, November 03, 2011

Looking back.

Looking back in my life there are so many moments when i think WTF was i thinking?  Like seriously?

Ill describe a few of them for you all...

Whatonka high school grade 9. I wasnt popular.. i didnt have many friends but the friends i did have i thought cared.  They werent the best people in the world and if given the chance today, would i be friends with them? NO. Would i want my kids to be friends with them? NO. But i was young and rebellious so i did what they wanted me to do. I was tired of moving.. i just wanted friends. I missed my friends from my old school so i thought this was the way to do it. There are many times i held drugs for my friends or kept them in my locker. I would go home and wash my clothes and my hands afraid someone might smell it or see it, likes its written on my forehead or something.

Simms high school Grade 10-11.  Kevin Bobick... What can i say.. A cowboy in tight jeans... hell i dont know what i was thinking.. he was a twin but his twin was sooooo much cuter! lol I sit back now and i look at his picture and i seriously just want to hit myself. I got alot of shit in school about it, because a few letters i wrote to "friends" landed up in his hands... Yup that was fun.. Kinda like getting a pap smear. lol
I had 1 or 2 awesome friends there. They were great influences in my life. I am still friends with a few of them and they have touched my life more then they know. So if you went to this school you know who you are!

Milwaukie high. Grade 12.  Wow.. that was a crazy year. All my friends that i had... always at peoples houses.. But the funny thing most of them all younger. My bests were freshman my senior.  But they have stuck around. There were fights over guys... and fights over stupid stuff but we always worked it out.  But one that sticks out.. Mikey. WTH was i thinking? Oh yeah.. the bad boy image.. seriously? why would i want someone who was in and out of jail, couldnt stay in school. Hell he didnt even really know anything.  I am glad i finally figured that one out!

Now on to some major learning stones and mistakes.

Philip. WTF again? why? was it was because he was older? that independent nature? I dont know what it was, but at that time apparently i wanted to be with a married man... I was THAT woman.. I now apologize to his ex wife I truely am sorry.

Alex... He will always have a place in my heart.. Always.. i cant really say anything bad about him because he was such a big part of my life. But he used me. He used me for his pleasure and broke my heart.

Nate. Again he will always hold a place in my heart. He was a marine... Alas it wasnt meant to be... Again broken heart.

There are many things i have done that i think back on and im like WTF.. i just dont get what i was thinking....  I hope my children learn from my mistakes and actually listen to my husband and i like i didnt my parents...  Anyways.. heres a little look into my past.

Friday, October 28, 2011

DO you ever wonder?

Think back 10 yrs... what were you doing???

Me i was 18. In high school.  YOu know being a senior! GO MUSTANGS! ( sorry haha), out with friends doing things before curfew ( for those of you who had one.)

Do you wonder what your life would be like if only something that year didnt happen the way it did? Would you have met your spouse sooner, or not at all?  Would you have your kids?

Today i have just sat back and looked at my life, now that i have turned 28. Where am i? Am i where i wanted to be? Where am i supposed to be at 28????

I have my husband.... god bless him... ( come home safe baby), I have my babies... love them to death! but i dont have much more.. i dont have a degree, i dont have a career. Does that make me a bad person? Does that make me lazy?

Im just totally lost and its like i am in a maze and totally confused on where the hell i am supposed to go and what the hell i am supposed to be doing...

first thing in the morning..

I hate getting out of bed. I wish i could lay there and waste the day away. Not have to get up and worry about 1 kid who is up my ass all day and needy and the other one who throws temper tantrums all the time. I just wish that i could get up when i want to get up and just relax before i get my day started. As you can tell i am NOT a morning person.  I have been out of bed 6 min.35 secs and my daughter has already gotten in trouble 3 times. I have already changed 1 diaper, gotten 2 kids something to drink and my daughter is acting like i starve her. Cant mommy just sit for 10 mins?

Yesterday i was just sooo exhausted i canceled one of my appts. I just couldnt drag myself out that early. I would have had to get the kids to the daycare by 9. to my appt by 10, pick them up at 1130 and get alaina on the bus by noon. It was just too much for me.

Since writing this paragraph i already had to get up and yell at alaina because she was getting into stuff. Now logan is sitting in the kitchen yelling.

I cant wait for their dad to come home so i cant have a break, shower alone... maybe get a full night of sleep.

Yeah its be bitching again and i am sorry but honestly this is what my life is like.. I may put on a smile and open the front door and act as everything is ok... but its not... i am soooo stressed out.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

My weight.

I hate my weight. When aaron married me i was 180. At the end of logans pregnancy i was 267. As of 10/24 i was 147. I hate that i have put on so much weight I want to be the thinner girl again.. the girl that didnt have troubles finding a man, finding a date. Not that i want to find a man or a date as i already have 1 and i absolutely love him. But i want that feeling again.

Since i was dx with MS my weight has just kept getting higher and higher... I have tried walking, swimming.. But i cant do much of anything else as i have other medical conditions that affect that.  I just want to be pretty and thin.. Not horribly thin.. But maybe a size 8? im a size 22/24 and i dont like it. I often just cry when i look in the mirror and i see me. I dont like me... I usually make jokes about my butt or my boobs because it is my way of dealing with the comments...

Change the way you eat they say... I would love to. I have tried.. but honestly its really hard when you dont like the taste of alot of things that are good for you. I have cut out cookies, and chips. Sometimes i eat candy but its maybe 1 or 2 peices a day instead of a 3lb bag of m&ms a day. I was drinking 12-24 cans of soda a day, but now its maybe 1 or 2, and if i have a bad headache maybe 3. Other then that no soda for me. Its lemonade or bottled water. Granted its cheaper to drink water out of the tap but i tend not to drink it that way. But if its in a bottle i will drink 3 or 4 a day. So for 3 dollars for 24 isnt bad.

I try to play and stay active with the kids and with a 3 yr old and a 1 yr old how can you not be active? I am constantly going from 1 appt to another and never really have time for myself. I think this sat, i am asking a friend if her older daughter can watch the kids so i can go out to dinner by myself. I just need that break.

I Know this blog is about alot of complaining and i am sorry but its my place to vent.. please speak up give me ideas . If you have read all of this and havent stopped reading my blog thank you sooo much!

good morning..

SO i bitch that i never get childcare and that i never have time to go to appointments.. and well i have one today for me and one for logan but honestly i feel like shit. And logan has a runny nose like a waterfall. So im not doing anything today..  ALaina has school today and all i have to say is thank god.. i need a break everyonce in awhile and today is one of them. Dont get me wrong i love my children but if you have never had to deal with them you wouldnt understand.

Logan tries so hard to play with this sister but she is so mean to him. Alaina she screams and throws things all freaking day long.. Sometimes i wish i had a normal child. One who could speak and talk to me. Instead of crying and screaming all the time. Like i said dont get me wrong i love both of my children..

Waiting for news from the hubby is killing me. i swear this FRG has no freaking clue what the heck they are doing and its irratating.. so usually i have to wait to hear things from my husband.

I need sleep. I am so tired... i dont get a good nights rest ever i sleep with alaina and i just want 1 night where i am not woken up by either kid for stupid reasons... my body cant handle this wake up because i need to  reposistion her or something..

i am so tired of feeling the way i do. I am tired of feelings depressed, i am tired of the anxiety. i am tired of all the pills. but i dont not like who i am when i am off of them.  Sometimes i swear these pills arent enough. I try so hard to be that good mom that doesnt yell at her kids.. but the anxiety kicks in and i havent been able to have a break and its just edging at me. Hello i havent showered alone since my husband left in july.

This weekend i asked a friend if her oldest can come sit with the kids while i go out for a few hours... just myself..

Im tired of holding all these feelings in. Im tired of trying to be the perfect mom.. Im tired of trying to be perfect for everyone.. Im not perfect.. My marriage isnt perfect, my kids arent perfect, my life isnt perfect... im tired...

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

my blog.

My blog has now become private.. if you were given the chance to read it and comment on it.. i hope that you take that time to be honest with me and actually comment.  This blog is going to become very honest and about who i really am..

Sunday, October 16, 2011

give me the strength.

I have been waking up from my very few and sparatic  hours of sleep i get in pain. This morning it was my whole right side. Please think of me and give me the strength to push the pain to the side and be able to get up with my kids tomorrow.. Please let the pain come back on a day that i can just take and lay in bed, and please hurry my husband home so we can get things taken care of and get back home where i have help if i need it like i do now. I thank all of my friends who have been there and offered to help in many ways... With out you this deployment would be unbareable. To my parents who put up with 938598437598348534 calls a day... I love you so very much and miss you guys like crazy.. I hope my siblings look at what they have and see that everyday they dont take the time to talk to you or say i love you is a day lost... What i would give to just give you guys a hug. To my husband  YOU are my reason... you are my love and i miss you so very much.

Thank you to all my readers.. there may not be many of you but if you do read... thank you!

My husband.

My husband is a simple man,  He loves outdoors, cooking, camping, fishing, and cars..  I love him so very much. We are currently in our 3rd deployment and every time he leaves i realize how much i love him. How much he means to me. Just how close of a friend he is.. today i am just emotional.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

this is a vent...

If your reading this... this is NOT directed to you.....

I hate you... i hate you i hate you... YOU have done nothing but make our life harder then it should be. I dont need the added stress and thats all that you have caused... you should have been done and over with almost 5 yrs ago... why cant you just do what you need to do and leave... I hate you.

Sunday, October 09, 2011

the rules of MS..

Whats sucks about MS is there is no rules. MS can come and do as it pleases and you cant do anything about it.
As far back as i can remember MS has always been there. There wasnt tests for kids back then and it wasnt as popular as it is now.  When i was little i was always tired, In school i was never able to ran as fast, or be as active. Highschool, Haha that was a joke.  I was always made fun of and i knew i couldnt do as much as the other kids in gym.

Lately i have been very agitated, and my leg is not cooperating. To kind of tell you what it feels like.. it feels like that in between feeling after coming out of the dentist office and the novacaine is wearing off. Its numb but if you but all touches send pain. You can tell its there... but you cant feel.

These are the days that i wish MS had rules. That i could just say hey wait.... thats against the rules try again!  But no... I cant. it gets to do as it wants..  I need to go back on my meds and i will soon but until then ms is winning. Also there is no garuntee that if i do go back on meds that this will go away.  This could stay forever and i would be stuck with it. To give you a glimpse of my life.

I cant take baths because i cant pull myself out of the tub. I have to hold on when i take showers because i have bad balance. I take multiple meds a day.  I see multiple drs, and have tons of tests done. I cant work out like i want to. I have tons of energy but yet i know if i do it i will pay for it the next day so i try to save all energy for the kids.  This may be a whine fest post but ya know what.. this is my life.. this what its like... and unfortunetly there are no rules.

Monday, October 03, 2011

not a good day.

Woke up this morning not being able to feel my feet. I hate this... its a flare up and i hate it. It gets to the point that i cant lift my leg.  I seriously can not feel hot or cold from my belly button down but i cant feel pain really on my feet either.

Red cross said they cant send my message and my husbands unit doesnt want to do anything.... so alas.... im stuck with nothing again..... sorry this blog sucks.. but its just not a good day.

Sunday, October 02, 2011

red cross message.

So im tired of not being able to get the help i need. Im tired of not being able to go to the dr like i need to. Im tired of not being able to do much of anything.

I love my children very much but if you know them you know its hard to do much of anything with both of them together. I finally broke down and called the unit last night for help. I wanted to talk to a chaplain, but landed up talking to a master sgt. then the frsa and let me tell you when you are in a posistion of power you are to NOT treat ANYONE the way i was treated last night by the frsa. It really hurt my feelings.

I finally did talk to a chaplain and the only thing he told me that i didnt know was that i can put a red cross message in myself. WHICH I DID.

I really hope it doesnt bite my husband in the ass but ya know i need help... this is why were trying to go closer to home.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

well hello old friends! so much to talk about.. where do i start?


I got my referral for a nuero and called to make an appt. july of 2012 they said... Seriously??? So i kept calling around and the only office that had an opening this year refuses to take me as a patient. So talking with my dr i finally found one that my friend uses on the airforce academy.. Hope hes good!!!

Logan is doing great.. is standing and occasionally standing and not holding on.. Im pretty excited! He is still pretty far behind other kids his age and only in the 9th percentile for his weight... so well see how he does on monday.  Monday we have an eval to see if he is distinctivaly behind in anything.  I did switch him off of formula and on to whole milk so i am excited for that.

Alaina is in school and doing great. she is haveing some behaviour problems but thats expected! she is out of diapers and in pullups. She is learning to dress her self.

Aaron is doing good. he misses home but other then that hes doing good... just the same thing every day apparently.

Im doing ok. got on some meds but they arent enough.. i will be calling the dr and letting her know.. she needs to up the dosage...

sorry its been so long since i have updated this thing...

Monday, July 18, 2011

i hate today

i hate today.. hes gone... i miss him..

Thursday, July 14, 2011

book review

i reviewed... 

The Hidden Magic of Walt Disney World: Over 600 Secrets of the Magic Kingdom, Epcot, Disney's Hollywood Studios, and Animal Kingdom

given to me by

I enjoy books about Disney and normally don't judge them harshly. 

But people should be warned about this one. In just the first couple dozen pages, there are numerous items that are out of date. It's kind of sad that families will go searching for the old-fashioned phone in the General Store, will go to awaken Tinker Bell in the Fantasyland shop, will go to see Tink in the keyhole of the sewing table there, the wooden leg on the lost and found shelf at the Frontierland station -- when all of these features have been removed over a year ago. In addition to being outdated, the information is sometimes just wrong. For instance, it isn't true that "WDW imagineers could not dig a basement in Orlando as they did at Disneyland in California ..." There are no utilidors in Disneyland. (Walt was frustrated to see a cowboy walking through Tomorrowland on his way to work in Frontierland in Disneyland -- since there was no other way to cross the park. And the idea for the WDW ultidors was born!) 

If I can spot things that are wrong, I wonder what a real Disney expert would find. The editing was skethcy, too. For instance, the red and green faces of Cinderella's evil stepsisters are "belying" their anger and jealousy. "Belying" means hiding or contracting. What the author meant was "revealing." 

Unfortunately, this book is a regurgitation of all the "WDW Secrets" lists on the Internet. Some of the items on those list aren't legitimate. For instance, the three-circled cut-out shapes in the stone wall that curves along the walkways to the front of the castle - at no time of day do they cast a Mickey-shaped shadow on the ground. I read about this online a couple of years ago and went on many occasions to the castle to see the shadows. I kept coming back to check. I asked castmembers. It doesn't happen.

Monday, July 04, 2011

almost a month..

I am soo sorry everyone, its been almost a month. So much as been going on. We moved.. alas but yet we might be moving again. I hate houses with stairs...  im not supposed to be in them.. but they think it was ok.

My back is killing me! i have scoliosis apparently... but OMG it hurts.... i cant even have sex it hurts that bad. I feel soo sorry for aaron cause i cant even fulfill him that way and hes getting ready to go defend our country.

anyways. Logan has an appt for the nuerosurgen and alaina well... shes alaina! gotta love her...

well i was told i need to blog.. sorry i dont have much to talk about.. i pretty much covered it.. haha...

Thursday, June 02, 2011


So i have come to realize... that this deployment is going to suck. I need some close friends. My last deployment i had some awesome ladies to keep me company..and here i dont have my close friends... i dont have my parents near by.. i dont have much of anything... i need friends...

Sunday, May 01, 2011

LOOVE this site. I got recently got a chance to review an awesome costume for alaina from It shipped super fast and its an awesome quality. If you are reading my blog you know some of the things alaina can do.She gets destructive. This is the outfit i got alaina, Little girl costumes are located at this link   Well not only has she pushed and pulled and ripped this dress off she has also ran and played out side in it.  She has been alaina in it and nothing is wrong with it! I love I am actually looking at ordering logans holloween costume as it gets closer to holloween. if you have an older child check this link Anyways... This is all my opinion i didnt get paid to write this.. i did however recieve a costume to try out.

Anyways.. Check this site out..

Monday, April 11, 2011

ug im sorry.

I am sooo sorry.. I have been lacking in the picture a day thing... with school and trying to get our vaca going and logans dr appts and what not... I promise i will get to it!

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

Day 14

A picture of someone you could not picture your life with out.

My goofy lovable husband!

Day 13

Picture of your favorite band or artist.

Taylor Swift!!!!!!!!!!

Day 12.

A picture of something you love!


Its my addiction!

Saturday, April 02, 2011

Day 11

Day 11, picture of something you hate!

Thunder and lightening.... it scares the crapola out of me!

Friday, April 01, 2011

Large Framed Print - CafePress

Large Framed Print - CafePress

I would love to one day own this!

Day 10

A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with...

My friend Jessica... We have been through sooo much and we have sooo many funny memories..

day 9

Sorry i have missed days.. just soo much going on and i am not in the best of shape right now.. so i will do days 9 and 10 today.

A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most...

My mom...

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Day 8

A picture that makes you laugh...

need i say more?

Tuesday, March 29, 2011


So last night i sprained my toe! How do you do that? I mean seriously!!!! lol Its not even my big toe or little one! its the toe next to my big one!  Its all purple and blue and swollen..

SO yeah i took logan to the dr yesterday and its been hell since then. I am trying to get something that is softer for him to lay in that wont continue to give him a flat spot on the back of his head.  If my kid has to wear a helmet because his dr is incompetent then we are gonna have issues!  So I had her write a perscription for a thing called a nap nanny.

But since it doesnt have a HCPC code. that my insurance wouldnt cover it and i was more then welcome to buy it myself.. but at 150-180 i cant afford it. 

So my drs office tells me there isnt anything medical equipment wise that will help my son. I knew that was a bunch of bull honkey so i went looking myself and came across 2 different items. So i called my drs office and asked for an authorization be put in to my insurance for both hoping i will get atleast one of them. They both have HCPC codes! 

Here is the first!
this  one is called the RESQ wedge. 

I figured it would be easier for traveling and what not.. maybe even being able to take it to daycare. Although he would have to go back through the SNAP program ( reviewed by drs on post) And if they dont approve it then i cant take it with him to daycare and if thats the case he wont go to daycare I will hire a private sitter for him. 

The second item i thought would be great to put in the crib since its the same size as a crib mattress! 

It stops him from rolling and from sliding down and it will keep him elevated enough that he wont choke and turn blue again... so lets hope something get approved and i can get something to help him.. 

Right now he is sleeping in this..

and if eventually going to out grow it.. and it has a hard plastic piece in it... so lets keep our fingers crossed something gets approved and i dont have to jump through more hoops to get him the help he needs!

Day 7.

Picture of your most treasured item.. 

My babies... 

Monday, March 28, 2011

Day 6

A picture of a person you would like to trade places with for a day.

The Beautiful Carrie Underwood

good morning!

Good morning.. Oh how last night was horrible. I didnt really sleep very good. Aaron had cq and i missed snuggleing. Even though he does cuddle.. I DO! lol

Granted i had the whole bed but ug... I am just thankful we didnt have 9834576984638754 mph winds last night.. that always scares me! It feels like my roof will fly off.

Anyways.. went to bed in pain last night. My mouth is killing me. and i woke up in pain this morning... my mouth is still killing me.

I called United concordia to see if i can make an appt back home to get it taken care of so i have someone to watch my kids.. I am still having issues getting logan in daycare.

They said they didnt have a problem as long as it was a participating dentist.. so alas when it 8 am there i am gonna call and see if i can get an appt. I have plenty of cavities i need to get taken care of but this one is bad...


Today is logans appt. so lets hope they can tell me something..

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Day 5. Favorite Memory

For day 5. i have 2 pictures taken the same day..

This one because i loved spending time with my family going out and doing things..

this one because i loved spending time with my parents. Although my dad didnt go with us i had a blast hanging out with my mom.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Day 4

A picture of your night...

Friday, March 25, 2011

Day 3

Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.

day 2.

Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been close with for the longest.

My daddy!!!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Day 1. Photo of your self and 15 facts.

This is me!
1. I am 27
2. I am a mom of 2 step mom of 1.
3. I am married
4. I am 5'7 used to be 5'8.
5. I got my drivers license at the age of 19
6. I wear a shoe size 10.5 or 11 wide.
7. I dont like the way i look.
8. I used to weight a ton less but MS has taken its toll on me.
9. I love my family dearly.
10. I hate pictures.
11. I have wore glasses for as long as i can remember.
12. I could never live in the 1920's
13. I love country music
14. I am excited to go home for 2 weeks.
15. As much as i love my family i cant stand my husbands.

60 day photo challenge!

So i decided to cave in and do the 60 day photo challenge..

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts.
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been close with for the longest.
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.
Day 04 - A picture of your night.
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory.
Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day.
Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item.
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh.
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.
Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with.
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate.
Day 12 - A picture of something you love.
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.
Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you.
Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.
Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity.
Day 19 - A picture of you when you were little.
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel
Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget.
Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at.
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book.
Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change.
Day 25 - A picture of your day.
Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you.
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.
Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of.
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile.
Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss.
Day 31 - A picture of a tradition you have.
Day 32 - A picture of a crazy night.
Day 33 - A
 picture of the house you grew up in.
Day 34 - A picture of your currently most played CD.
Day 35 - A picture of your favorite place to eat.
Day 36 - A picture of your ‘other half'.
Day 37 - A picture of the people you spend most of your time with.
Day 38 - A picture of the best part of your day.
Day 39 - A picture of your favorite movie.
Day 40 - A picture of your favorite Disney character.
Day 41 - A picture of your pet.
Day 42 - A picture of your dream house.
Day 43 - A picture of something you can’t function without.
Day 44 - A picture of someone you’re told you look like.
Day 45 - A picture of your room.
Day 46 - A picture of where you wish you were right now.
Day 47 - A picture of your favorite place to shop.
Day 48 - A picture of your favorite actress/actor.
Day 49 - A picture of where you live.
Day 50 - A picture of your most frequented place.
Day 51 - A picture of your dream car.
Day 52 - A picture of your favorite sport.
Day 53 - A picture of someone you think is hot.
Day 54 - A picture of the one thing you would bring if you were stranded on a deserted island.
Day 55 - A picture of the last movie you saw in theaters.
Day 56 - A picture of something that makes you happy.
Day 57 - A picture of your favorite holiday.
Day 58 - A picture of your favorite animal.
Day 59 - A picture of a random item that you own.
Day 60 - A picture of something you’re excited about

Each day a new picture... lets hope i can keep up with it!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Being Four

Today i got the chance to review a book called Being Four by Kim Cormack

It was a very touching book. It brought back tons of memories of things as a child. Things i get to look forward to in my childrens life. Things that i never took the time to notice that my daughter was seeing. Granted this book is more suitable for a book to read to your child, it is a great book that i as a 27  yr old mother of 2 enjoyed reading. I sat and stared at the pictures on the pages for awhile as my mind wondered, back to my childhood and how many of the pictures in the book could have been what i was seeing 

I really hope this book comes out in print as i think my daughter would love looking at the pictures and seeing how each childhood is different but yet many children have the same memories.

OOPS! I just wanted to edit this.. I guess the book is in print! I would def recommend getting this book and reading it to  your kids.. No matter the ages! Also check out the authors website at:

good morning!

Why must my daughter fight me to go to bed... and then fight me to stay asleep, and then fight me to get up?

She fought me last night to go to bed. She finally passed out around 830 on the couch. So i was in the middle of a show so i let her sleep. Then as my show was getting over i was like ill carry her to bed. NOPE she was waking up. So i just started another show.. She went back to sleep so when that show was over i carried her to bed. She fought me a little and then was out again. Thank GOD! Then about 4 am this morning she woke up freaking out. I dont know why she does this.. But its like every morning she freaks out about 4 am. So i went and got her brought her to my bed and she starts screaming, which in return wakes up logan!  Sometimes its days like this that i wish logan couldnt hear anything.. Is that bad of me to say?

So i moved logan out of the room so i could get alaina to sleep.  Finally get her back to sleep but guess who wasnt tired enough to go back to sleep? ME! so i lay there cause if i move alaina wakes up. So then i just get back to sleep ( like 10 mins) and boom!!! alaina is up.  Trying to get this kid to sleep is almost impossible nowa-days.  I dont know what else to do. We have eliminated naps all together. So she no longer gets a nap. Plus we let her run and jump till her heart is content.. which wears her out but alas no sleep for the wicked... lol

Monday, March 21, 2011

trying to decide...

So on light of my new diagnosis. And depending on what my mri's say.. we might be taking the step of the snip.. well see where it goes... not sure if i want to take that option away especially with aarons record...

Friday, March 18, 2011

at a loss

So i have this dog.. bruno.. hes a great dog.. but he pees on the floor when being yelled at, trying to wipe his feet or anything else like that.. Other then that hes a good dog. But with the diagnosis of scolisos and MS and logan getting ready to crawl i just dont think its worth it for my son to be crawling around in dog pee.

For example... I found a thing of dog pee that was dried and my daughters been playing right there... kind of annoying if you ask me...

Granted he is my daughters dog.. but my kids shouldnt have to play in dog pee... i just dont know what to do.. And yes he does go outside all the time!

letter from my dr.

findings: three-view lumbar spine series demonstrates 5 non-rib-bearing lumbar vertebral bodies with normal height. The lower thoratic spine curves to the right and the right iliac crest is higher then the left. Disc spaces are well maintained. No soft tissue abnormalities.

so apparently my spine curves to the right... wonder if thats why its more comfy for me to sleep on that side.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

deal pulp

this is an awesome site that one of my friends turned me on to. its called dealpulp. You can get things for half off or more! check it out!

I have gotten target gift cards for cheap, papa murphys gift cards for cheap! and many other things!


So my left leg.. the one i couldnt lift.. is getting much better. That is the knee i have arthritis in. I dont know if something is messing with the muscles or what but it was annoying.. BUT now that hip that was super sensitive is still super sensitive under the skin but the skin its self is numb.. go figure.

My right leg is soo numb it hurts.. I really wish they would figure this out. I am now on steriods 2 times a day and not 3. hopefully it will get better by the time i am off of them.

The mri place called yesterday and wanted to schedule my mri but i cant till i get approval through tricare.. so i told them to call me back.


So i am little frustrated. The only thing i have asked my husband to do is help put laundry away, clean the kitchen and cook dinner ( hes a great cook!)

Do you think he can do any of them? NO.

our clean clothes are on the floor in the bedroom, i am cleaning the kitchen.. and he bitches he has to cook.

Granted he works all day but so do i. I take care of 2 kids. And any parent knows that that is a hard job.

I have time to play on the puter ( obviously), watch tv, play outside, play inside, do laundry, vacuum,  lunch, breakfast, sweep and mop, and everything else but he doesnt have time to help me? this is his home too.

I feel like i am cleaning up after 3 kids. This is his day

Hes up, goes to work ( some days just hands out ammo- like lately) comes home, bitches, cooks, eats, and then passes out on the couch...

But yet, he just trashes my house... I just want some help.. is that so hard? I asked him one day if he could help out and he told me he acknowledged what i was saying.. but nothing has changed..

oh and do you think he has made another counseling appt? yeah freaking right...

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

not talking....

so i found out.. some things.. I am no longer posting my opinions, my expeirence, my thoughts... nothing.. no more.. my blog is my blog.. i shall post what i want here... if people dont like they dont have to read it.. im sorry if it hurts anyones feelings but i am who i am .. like it or not..

But i will not sit back and let things be said that can hurt me or the ones i love...


well last week i had some xrays done and the results came in.

my left knee i have arthritis... surprise surprise.. i knew that....

apparently i have scoliosis in my lower back.. i am haveing an mri soon to see what is totally going on then i will be going to see an orthopedic.

so as of today i am diagnosed with the following:
tension headaches
working on bipolar

I am soo tired of doctors, pills, exams.. i just want to be normal.. i want to go for runs.. i want to climb and hike.. but i cant do any of this.. sometimes i just hate being me.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

giving a shout out..!

giving a shout out to my friend cat's blog! she is a great mom dealing with health issues like me... and she is hosting a giveaway! why not check her out?

giving a shout out..!

giving a shout out to my friend cat's blog! she is a great mom dealing with health issues like me... and she is hosting a giveaway! why not check her out?

Sunday, March 06, 2011


Sorry its been soo long since i wrote in here.

We went to the zoo. It was awesome. Got to feed and pet giraffes. Be up close to monkeys, and my daughter got spooked by the grizzley bear. we had a great time!

I am soo not ready for my husband to go back to work. I have been enjoying having him home. But alas hes gotta go back.

Every day he goes back i know it is one more day closer to deployment. Which i am sooooo not ready for.

the night we couldnt go to the jeff dunham show we went out to dinner to chilis. My husband knows its my favorite restaurant

today i have a date at starbucks with the awesome sara! i am sooo excited.. I also want to go to fred meyer but i dont think there is one around here.. but today is gonna be good! i am sooo excited...

thats all for now.

Thursday, March 03, 2011

i feel soo bad.

I feel so bad. Aaron was looking forward to the jeff dunham show tonight, but our sitter just has strep throat and i havent been able to find another sitter so we have to either try to sell the tickets or forfit the money spent on them.. which bites cause i spent over 100 on them.  I know he was really excited. I told him to go with out me but he wont. So maybe i will be able to sell them and at a later date be able to go out to eat. This was supposed to be our valentines/ anni date since we missed valentines and will miss our anniversary.

Life blows sometimes.... Honey if you read this... Im sorry.

I should add.. that i in no way think laura is faking... im just sad cause nothing ever goes our way when we have something planned... ever! so i guess i was just venting.

Tuesday, March 01, 2011


so much to do today.. i have alainas hearing appt at 130 and then i have to rush home.. i got something very important to pick up today.. i also get to go to town today! yay!!!!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

good morning

good morning everyone! last night was a looong night. I dont like thunder lightening or high winds.. and we had high winds.. All i could think about was my roof coming off or everything in the backyard flying away...

This morning i had to get up and go chase down my recycle bin at the other end of the block. I know its not any of my neighbors as no one else on my block recycles..

My trash can was knocked over and everything else.. usually i tie everything down.. but i didnt know it was gonna do that last night or else i would..

Today alaina is really testing me. She is chasing the dog and its not making me happy...

well logan is going off so i must go get him....

Sunday, February 20, 2011


OK so yesterday we had the behaviorist come out to the house and she got to meet alaina.. Logan was playing on the floor and the first thing alaina did was hit him with one of his toys.. because zena was talking about him. Then as we were playing with color wonder markers.. alaina thought it would be funny to reach over and try to draw on her brothers forhead. Well zena told alaina to not do that as it wasnt nice. ALaina refused to follow directions and tried again. Zena told alaina we were all done with markers and we put them away..

That put alaina in to a tizzy fit.  Started throwing things, hit zena and trying to hit me and logan. Zena told her no and it was ok.. Got her interested in a book. Alaina tried to grab it out of her hands and zena told her no you need to ask for it. Alaina refused and started throwing a fit. Alaina never got the book till she asked for him.

Zena told me that if i ask her to do something in a demand way - Clean up your toys. Wipe off the Table. Sit down. That i need to follow through with it. I need to gain control and show her that i am the boss and that she isnt.

Zena also told me that if i give alaina the option to do something- Do you want to help me pick this up? Do you want to go outside? I cant get mad at her for her answer as it was a question and i was giving her a choice.

Zena let me know not to give in to things. if i had something and she tried to take it from me  I was to not give it to her unless she asked for the object specifically.

I have been using these tactics all day today and i can tell you its going to be rough! but lets hope she can stop with the fits and learn to be a little more nicer.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

such a long day

Well today have been super long.. i had the behaviorist come out.. i dont have much time to write about it right now but i should tomorrow..

I can tell you that was not happy!

logan still isnt feeling well. I still have him on his meds so lets hope!

I am exhausted so i am off to bed... good night world... and my readers! tune in tomorrow for what the Behavior person said...


Thank you

I just want to jump on here and say thank you to those that actually respond either on here... in an email or what not.. it really does making blogging easier on me... its nice to know someone or people is/ are reading this.. i know i dont have much to say but thats my life..

Friday, February 18, 2011

day.. 39487598475934098670953

I must find  a way off this island.... This little girl keeps following me and calling me mom... have no clue who she is.... little boy just cries all day, the good dr says double ear infections... No clue what that is.. but must stay away. The natives seem to have 2 furry things that run around. 1 like to dig.. wonder if he will dig us out of here.. other furry creature just seems to like to eat and be lazy. None of the natives seem to want to leave.  Must get off this island..

HAHAHAHA thats what i feel like right now..

Alaina decided to color all over the floor with black crayon! grrrrr. and logan well he doesnt feel good so now he is in our room crying... gotta by a baby monitor.. i can hear him but cant see him right now..

The dog keeps digging to china and if you know me... you know i like a nice yard.. well my back yard is dirt.. and it drives me up a wall but i am not going to be in this house much longer so i see no need in trying to make the back yard nice... let the mud hole lie..

really miss my husband today.. i just wish he could hold me... i wish i could be laying in his arms as i drift off to sleep... ( but lord please let me get to sleep before him.. that man can snore!)

i guess a few guys out there with him have asked him how do i sleep with him.. or do we have seperate rooms... lol Theres a trick to it! lol... i bound and gag him with his dirty socks... lol jokes! but there is a secret.

Well today i didnt do much besides try to clean up a little.. my kitchen is trashed.. always the last room to get done... but ya know what.. i am at wits end right now and i just really dont have the energy to get up and clean it...

anyways... i am off here... i am gonna try to get logan to go to sleep so i can too! good night everyone!

Thursday, February 17, 2011

ug i know

I know my blog has been a downer... but seriously.. thats my life..

I have a problem.. and i need ideas on how to fix it... i have a shopping addiction.. I dont care how much money i have i will spend it... it gets to the point that i dont care i have bills to pay.. I have read it another sign of bipolar.. cause after i spend it i regret it...

i just dont know how to stop.. I am trying really hard.. i have a list of things i am allowed to buy when aaron leaves.. so i have to stick to that... but its before he leaves thats getting hard.. i get sad.. i shop.. i get mad.. i shop.. i am happy... i shop.. i did however pay off 2800 in credit cards just this week... so i can say that felt good.

any ideas on how to stop shopping??????????

oh and btw.. 12 lbs down since aaron left.. Dinner tonight was awful... and i am exhausted... logan has 2 ear infections... and alaina is not helping anything! so i am off to bed at 20:18 good night!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

this is me venting...

some days i just feel like i cant do this.. I love my husband and my kids sooo very much but its just sooo much. Ya know? i have 2 beautiful babies.. but no one to talk to.. I have no friends like i did back when..  I miss the sitting in the kitchen and licking brownie batter of the spoon while just chatting.. or sitting in the front room and just playing a game. but now my life is dirty diapers and gibberish..

I mean yeah i have my friends here but we all have our own life.. our own kids.. its just not the same..

I love my little family i wouldnt trade them for the world.. but honestly im just glad they havent traded me..

I have come to see my meds arent right yet again.. they are not strong enough.. screw this we dont know bullshit..

I am sooo tired of them playing games with me. .i just want them to fix me.. Im tired of being and feeling broken. I am tired of feeling ugly and fat.. i want to look good for my husband. I want to make him proud but all i feel like i am doing is holding him back.. yeah its my depression kicking in again.. who woulda thought that this morning i was in a great mood and now im depressed?

i know i can do this.. i have been through 2 before.. but i dont wanna... i dont wanna say good bye.. i dont wanna let go.

at night i watch my daughter snuggle with her daddy pillow and i ask myself how do i explain this to her? how do i explain that even tho she just got her daddy back she has to say see you later again? i wish my parents could be out here with me.. They mean soo much to me..  I never get to talk to any other family but my parents.. i just wish they could stay with me.. it depresses me to know that my son doesnt get to know his grammy and papa.. or his hey lady and papa or his mom and dad..  all name alaina calls them..

im just in a rut again and hopefully i can get out of it soon.. i hate feeling this way .. but i do .. i feel like i wanna just sit in a closet and not come out..  i just want my husband home.. and my parents with me.

welcome to my jumble of whines.. my tears.. my heartaches. my thoughts.. welcome to me..

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

You want to understand but dont know how?

Many times i have been asked.. How do you do it? How do you go sooo long with out seeing your husband? This girl has it perfect! if you wanna know.... please read..

What a Military Spouse Knows

As many of you know, my husband came home from our third deployment not too long ago. During the deployment, a reporter asked me to share “What I Knew” about deployments and military life. This was my answer:

As I forced my hands to unfurl from his neck, feeling the familiar sting in my nose as tears pushed against my will, the words rattled and echoed in my brain. “Not again.”

I watched him walk away–that uniform, identifiable gait—and my heart bent and splintered as the reality of a third deployment began to shower over me.

I picked up the phone, dialing the numbers my numb fingers always meander toward, and sat in silence while she tried to ease my pain. “I can’t imagine…He will be home….I’m here.”

And then she said six words that shot through my ears, penetrated my brain, and stiffened my spine: “You know how to do this.”

She was right. I do know how to do this. I intimately know the all-too familiar lump in my throat. The year of being both father and mother, making the best of a situation. I know exactly how one year feels as I X each day off my calendar. And I know how to ensure that while our lives are on hold, we still live.

The truth is I know a lot:

» The thought of being alone for a year doesn’t bother me. The fear of being alone for a lifetime—does.
» Flat rate boxes can hold twenty whoopee cushions, four kindergarten projects, and five perfume-scented letters.
» Technology can be a double-edged sword—one side delivering his face; the other a brutal live-action feed of explosions and camouflaged body parts.
» Murphy’s Law is a constant companion. The moment he walks out the door, anything that can break, collapse, bleed, or explode–will .
» Five hours of uninterrupted sleep is a gift from the deployment gods
» Holidays are hard, but manageable.
» Deployments come and go, but sand from his boots never leaves.
» Nothing can replace a handwritten letter. Through those beautifully folded pages, he is holding my hand again.
» When the National Anthem is played, I know goosebumps will rise on my arms, and a lump will fill my throat.
» The silence in communication following a war zone attack is agonizing.
» Laughter is a powerful ally.
» Each deployment offers two options: grow or regress. This is a choice.
» Cereal is always a dinner option.
» Videos of lost teeth, ballerina recitals, and preschool graduations can be emailed to Iraq nearly instantly.
» Five powers of attorney and the intimate details of his will are needed to navigate a deployment.
» White out blizzards can actually bury a truck in five minutes.
» Rosie the Riveter was right: We can do it.
» Children cling to hope and the promise of tomorrow.
» Living in each moment together is possible when facing the fear that it could be your last.
» Welcome home kisses are sweeter than the finest chocolate.
» Anger will grip me and depression can hold me, but another military spouse will steady me.
» A six-year-old child can feel the absence of her father so deeply that she can suffer from clinical depression.
» A military spouse will often hold her/his tongue, silencing a story, for fear of sounding “unpatriotic.”
» The sound of a bugle can make my heart swell with pride or collapse in sorrow.
» Duct tape and a monkey wrench can fix nearly anything.
» Despite the protestors and those who tell me I “knew” what I was getting into, I know there are countless American citizens who will go above and beyond to show they support us.
There are many things I know.

I know how to change the brakes on my truck, rappel from the side of a cliff, shoot a double-barreled shotgun, balance a checkbook, earn my keep, and kiss a child enough to feel like two.

But there are still so many things I don’t know.

» I don’t know how to start my heart again when I see a death notification car on my street.
» When that knock echoes on the door of my neighbor, I don’t know how to forgive myself when I am relieved.
» I don’t know how to hug him enough to last a lifetime, or kiss him just so in order to feel satisfied—should our reunion be at the foot of a pine box.
» I’m not willing to learn how to pretend he doesn’t exist, to keep him out of our life while it goes on without him, or to build a wall so high he has no way to scale it.
» I don’t know how to stop his panic attacks, and I have no idea how to make my nightmares of rampant bombs and lifeless limbs disappear.
» I don’t know how to adjust to his presence in my house when our floor rarely feels the weight of his boots.
» I don’t know how to tell his small children that, yes, he leaves them all the time. But because he loves them so deeply, he is willing to die to keep them free.
» I can’t understand those who would question my desire to stay with him, or how I can peacefully sleep beside a “killer.”
» I am amazed and confounded that despite all he has seen, he still has the courage to laugh.
» I don’t’ know how to give up on my family.
But, most importantly:

I have no clue how to still my pounding heart when he finally walks through our door again, I don’t know how to pull my hands from his sand-stained neck and say goodbye, and I don’t know how to ever walk away from a man who stands while many choose to sit.

Written By Melissa Seligman

Sunday, February 13, 2011

thoughts for tomorrow.....

Valentines Day SUCKS!

please excuse my rude behavior.. it wouldnt be so bad if i got to spend at least 1 of them with him......

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

long day

its been a long day.. i want my husband home.. i miss him.... that is all.

Tuesday, February 08, 2011


Sorry i havent posted in awhile.

thursday night was horrible. I asked my friend sara to come watch my kids so i could go to the ER i wasnt feeling oh so hot. I go to the ER and they tell me oh its just an upset tummy. I had vomiting, the poops, and pain in my stomach so bad i thought my guts were being ripped out. They gave me meds and sent me home. I get home around 330 in the morning and just as i got home my stomach starts hurting again.. after sara left it got sooo bad that i had to call sara back cause i was calling 911. The minute they got here i started getting sick they got in the ambulance and got to the hospital. they left me with no pain meds or anything. I called  for help out loud and it took like 10 times of me yelling for help. Someone finally came in was yelling at me cause i wouldnt leave the pulse meter on.. but i was in pain i didnt want crap attached to me. And he told me he couldnt give me any meds until the dr came in.. Eventually i was released to go home at 8 in the morning. So i pretty much spent 11pm-8am in the er.  I then came home and spent the rest of the day on the couch.

Saturday i still wasnt feeling good so we didnt do much and that was also sunday.

Monday i had alainas hearing appt and i had her assesment.  Her hearing appt we just went and got her new molds. Unfortunetly they dont have a certain part and they fall out sooo much. I think she knows they arent right. We then came home and i had a few hours to make sure my house was in a decent order.  The assesment was to see if she was on track for everything.  Apparently she is behind on communication ( obviously) cognitive and emotional and behavioral health.

Alaina get very frustrated easily. She has no problem hitting her self or someone else. She has gotten to the point she will slam her head against the floor or wall or anything really.

So we will be having a teacher come out during the week and a behaviorist out on weekends.

I was also told alaina will NOT have to be on a waiting list for preschool this year as she is special needs so she is garunteed a spot!

My dad isnt wanting her to go.. He doesnt like seeing her grow up. But we all know it will be good for her.

Today i had to go to the PX to pay a bill and buy some playdoh. While there i found out alaina had taken my military id out of my wallet.. Just found it about an hour ago..

So then i ran to safeway and did some grocery shopping.. more like milk and bread.. hahaha..

I cant wait for this month to be over I miss my husband so Very Very Very much. I am not ready for him to leave again... He has been home less then 10 months and he will be deploying again very soon. It sucks.

He is at JRTC right now and will be gone all month.

Anyways.. that has been my life for the last week...

Oh i guess i havent mentioned on here.. we got a puppy. hes a little dog a pap and pom mix.  hes a cutie.. but most def a puppy.. lol

hopefully i will start blogging again.. just havent been feeling all that grand!

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

tired of drs....

Ya know i dont understand why drs treat things that they dont want to diagnose... its like really? My dr is treating bipolar.. but he doesnt wanna diagnose it.. and i want him to if he is gonna treat it.. I am trying to get social security and i think it will help.
already on my ss case

 And i think adding bipolar will even help more..

Not that i WANT to have bipolar... but if your gonna treat it.... diagnose it...

ON another topic.. my neighbor is playing his music or tv bass way too high.....


hes gone... I wont get to see him till the end of the month.. I miss him like crazy.. and it never gets any easier...

What really drives me crazy is when i hear people say omg i havent talked to my bf all day.. or i miss my bf or husband hes at work and i cant see him

Well guess what.. here it is a whole month... and i prolly wont get to talk to him at all let alone a text message.

We got a new doggie its still a puppy so it still does puppy stuff... his name is bruno!

anyways... off to go make dinner....

Tuesday, February 01, 2011


Oh even better....

no one is home... but my husband gets to stand around and do nothing till someone figures out wth is going on... yay freaking me.. he still doesnt know if he gets to come home so i can take my cat to the vet... Ill be pissed if i have to miss this appt.. My cat has a lump on her side... she is my world right along with my family. I got her when i was diagnosed with MS.  so she means alot to me.... I would be devestated that if she dies because my husbands unit wont let him off so i can take her to the vet... trust me they will have a very pissed off wife.

so freaking irratated..

Yeah so my husband leaves tomorrow.. and everyone has today off except a select few.. and guess whose in it? yeah my husband... Instead of putting the single men on this detail they put married men with kids... I am soo freaking mad...

I have to some how take my cat to the vet at 1. lets hope my husband gets to come home.. cause i dont have any carseats nor do i have a car to take my cat there.. Im just pissed.

Monday, January 31, 2011

so sooon.

I am not excited... my husband leaves sooooon. Im sad.. i am gonna miss him alot.

a great idea!

So i have this wood end table that my parents got me.. I have the best idea for it.. i was gonna get a coffee table BUT...... I am gonna paint it black add a piece of wood under the glass so it has like a small space between the glass and wood. I am going to print out pictures of the kids and put it under the glass.. I think its gonna look awesome!

Saturday, January 29, 2011

things i am doing while aaron is gone..

SO i have tons of stuff i want to do  here is what i would like to accomplish while aaron is gone! i expect my readers to keep me on track!

1. Make headboard
2. Paint nightstands

1. End tables
2. Lamps
3. Throw rug and throw pillows.
4. Mount TV
5. Wall pictures or mirrors.

Things i HAVE TO BUY-
New xbox
New Freezer
New washer and dryer
Fix all my teeth.
New Glasses

I also must get alainas teeth checked and her eyes checked..

I will also be attending school! Yay for finishing my associates!!!!!!

the table we are getting!

As soon as we get our taxes... this is the table were getting! i am sooooo very excited!

Picture of our couches!

I need something that looks good with my couches!

Lamp Options

option 1

option 2

option 5

option 6

option 7

Friday, January 28, 2011

just testing something... thanks.

Monday, January 24, 2011

My loveing husband... I love him soo very much. I may complain and whine about him, But he is still mine and i love him so very much!

Book Review

I enjoyed the book called save the date by jenny jones. It wasnt something i would normally pick out on the shelf as it does talk about god and i am not much of a religious person. I do love how she kept them down to earth even for being an NFL star. I love how she came up with the idea to mix and match with the needs of each other.. Him needing something for her and her needing something from him.  Its not a normal romance book. I dont want to give away too much cause i know people will want to read this book and i dont like it when others give it away for me... So Def pick up this book next time your out and check this book out!!!!

Jenny jones is a great author. I cant wait to find more books by her. Althought this book is not my favorite i would prolly save to read again on a rainy day!

I got this book free through Book Sneeze. Was required to write a review but just an honest one...

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Hurt feelings..

I really dont like my husbands family. They always seem to make me out to be the bad guy. But honestly im not.

When aaron deployed the last time. They decided they didnt want to see alaina unless aaron was home. They never tried to see her or anything. Then when aaron got home, they acted like nothing happened. They told him i was just like his ex wife and  that really hurt me.

Aarons ex wife cheated on him, put him in debt and was just down right rude.. im not like that at all.

then they had the audacity to cry when we left.  then this xmas they had the balls  to send our kids their xmas presents a month late. and then not even acknowledge that i exist...

I wish people would just grow up and stop  being a poop.

Saturday, January 22, 2011


So my husband has finally found out how hard it is to be alone with 2 kids. Its not easy.. you get frustrated and you have no where to go. He sees how hard it is to keep a clean house while having the 2 kids. I love him so very much.

Been in pain lately but hes nice enough to let me take pain killers. So i am on them now... pain is less but still not gone.

He made me southwestern eggrolls from a copy cat recipe from chilis!!! OMG i love chilis!!!!!

My house feels empty... I miss having more then 1 animal but i know its not fair to get another kitty cause small cat doesnt like other animals..

Today alaina went poop on the potty 2 times! i am sooo happy for her!!! I hope this continues!!!!!

Logan had green beans today and he ate the whole jar! He seemed to really like them.

Logan had a 4 month check up.. Yes 4 months! Can you believe it.. it felt like just yesterday that i had him.  He weighs 13.12  i thought he was a chunker but apparently hes not. Hes in the 19th percentile for his weight and 30 percentile for his height at 24 inches.

He is behind in alot of things but were working on them! and.... He did pass his hearing test!

Anyways... before i ramble on about nothing.. Thanks for reading.. feel free to leave comments.. ask questions.. Do whatever.. i love company..

btw... Today i am thankful for..... the weather! It has been very favorable for me and it has made it to where i can enjoy going out side!

Friday, January 21, 2011

thankful for....

Today i am thankful for lovely friends who make me smile and show me i am loved!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

thankful for....

I am thankful for having the loves and hugs that i get every day....
So . Aaron took the car this morning so i couldnt go into the housing but lets say i was on the phone for over an hour calling and calling and demanding answers.. so  after about an hour i got 3 different stories

story 1- I  could be 9th on the list if they had my paperwork that they didnt have but until then i was 179.

Story 2 - I am 179 on the list  even with me having the paper work in ( that that had )

story 3- I am 4th on the list they have all the paper work they need now its just waiting for a house to open up. they are thinking around april..

i am believeing story 3 because it comes from assistant manager since manager is out.

I really hope they dont try to screw me again.. I am just irratated with this whole company.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

so i a feeling better. I had a horrible night last night. I went to the ER this morning and they sent me to a dr in the family clinic.. even tho i told them i went to the dr yesterday.. and guess what? i have the noro virus... stupid people.  i was supposed to be in bed all night but i did just rest on the couch.. tomorrow i have to head to the housing office for fort carson housing cause they are stupid!  gotta go! sorry this is short i need to find some paper work before i lose the thought!


i am thankful for my son because he always makes me smile!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

noro virus...

so the noro virus is keeping me from really posting much tonight.. i am thankful for my husband tho! he is such a big help tonight... love you huni.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Thankful For... special post!

Today is a little different.. Yesterday i asked if friends  would like to know why i was thankful for them.. So today thats what it is about...

Donna- Donna i am thankful for all the times you let me stay at your house with your awesome kids. I love them all so very much  Tad, Kayla and kat. They are all like siblings to me.. I love them all. I love you! You were like my second mom.. My home away from Home... All the times i crashed on your floor.. I remember you bringing home taco bell. And you were the one that drove me to the hospital when i needed stitches in my face... I miss those times! Thank you for letting me be a part of your family!

Anna- Anna i am sooo thankful for you. You were a steady hand when i needed someone to help me up during aarons deployment.  You are one of my closest friends ever.. Your daughter is like my daughter and my daughter is like yours.. Shilo is my buddy... I miss you all so very much.. there was many times i needed someone you and were always there...

Amy- Amy you have always been a friend. Ever since i met you at Einsteins, You and kylie are awesome to hang around. You always give me great advice and never afraid to help a buddy in need! thank you for everything you do! My life wouldnt be the same with out you!

Mel- Mel.. what can i say about you? I have you known you since aaron and i started talking! That is such a long time ago... You have been there for the ups and downs with aaron, the misscarriage, the birth of my daughter and son.. I hope one day i have the privilidge to meet you face to face and meet your adorable little boy!

Andy- I am thankful for you because you have always been like an aunt to me... You have been in my life since i was little! lol I am thankful for the fact that i know i can always turn to you for advice.

My mom--- Mommy.. what can i say? How do you tell your mother how thankful you are for them? I am thankful for you bringing me into this world. For giving me everything you could. For always putting us kids first. For working everyday even when your sick, when your tired, when your just wore out. Thank you for always getting up and making us dinner even tho there was times you just wanted to lay on the couch cause you were tired from working all the time.. There is soo much to list as to why i am thankful for you.. But the 1 thing i can say is ... I thankful you are my mom..

Jess- I am thankful for you always being my friend.. We have been through soo much. School. M. P. You getting me suspended! lol I remember when we lived together.. How you used to come to my apartment. Halo! You helping me with my shots.. Always taking care of me... Thank you!

Jenn- My love.. my best! My co truck driver.. You are the most amazing person in the world! You know everything i go through..You know my pains...  My ups, my downs. My sister on the other side of the united states. I was soo happy to come see you and meet your parents. To meet the love of your life. You have got to meet my love, and my daughter! You will get to meet my son soon! I promise!  I am so thankful that no matter what time of day or night i can always pick up the phone and call you to complain... to whine... to just talk.. I love you soo much!

Sunday, January 16, 2011


So were talking about not being able to ask men in the next stall for toliet paper.. AGAIN dennis leary....

I ask him " if you were a woman and you started your period, could you ask another woman for a tampon?"

Him- " no....."

Me- " What would you do?"

Him " I dont know.. roll up my sock and use it?"

This is where i wanted to hit him... seriously does he think his sock will fit in my Who Ha????????

its a DOH moment.......

totally random....

So um.. my husband is watching some random stand up comedian... ( dennis leary?) never heard of him... OK so he is talking about defeacating.. yeah i know.. gross.. i look over at my husband...

me- " defeacting?????"
him- "Yeah you know shitting...."
Me-  rolls eyes like naw.... i didnt know......

Sheesh...... and i thought I WAS WEIRD!!!!!!

thankful for....

I am thankful for my husband having a job. I know how the economy is... and i am so thankful he puts his life on the line to know we are taken care of... I love him sooo very much...


OMG  i am eating the best chicken strips EVER! my husband made them... they are sooooooo goood! yeah tonights post is short...

Saturday, January 15, 2011

a little post..

So tonight alaina woke up after being asleep for a few hours.. i think she has night terrors... Well anyways... instead of yelling mama.... she yelled dada... totally made aarons night... but almost made me cry...

thankful for...

Today i am thankful for being with my best friend... NO matter how tough times get or how stressed we are all it takes is a hug from him and i am ok... I love him sooo very much...

Oh another morning...

Another morning.. I am soo tired. My pills work from like 3 am on.. lol Aaron is nice enough to let me sleep in. Even tho i dont sleep i just listen to him and alaina.. lol My dr is going to have to get things right soon.

If things continue going down hill i might talk to aaron about a compassionate relocation back to washington so my parents can be there to help me.. I know we just left there and i know he hates the unit but so far i have been diagnosed with
and were working on bipolar..

Thats alot for one person to handle on their own.. I know my husband has a lot of pressure on him and i love him soo very much for every thing he does. Even if i dont show it enough.

Friday, January 14, 2011

My vent for the day..

My vent for today is...

If you cant afford the 2 kids you have... you shouldnt have more!

thankful for....

Today i am thankful for my kitty who no matter where life takes us and who comes and goes she is always by my side and loves me....


Hello everyone. had sooo much running around to do today. I didnt sleep well so i am dragging butt and i feel like i am in the worst mood ever. Just trying not to take everything out on everyone else!

I got a new vacuum today! i am sooo excited.. my vacuum was dieing and this one works!!! yay!!!

bought a new juice called Naked Juice.. its got fruits and veggies in it.. it actually isnt that bad! aaron doesnt like it tho.. lol

Im hosting a scentsy party! i am sooo excited.. i dont know many people here... but its online so people all over can buy! i love scentsy!

if you wanna buy! lol

Thursday, January 13, 2011

thankful for....

Today i am thankful for loving parents that love me no matter how stubborn i am! Love you mom and dad.


Good morning everyone! Today sucks. I am soooo tired. The kids didnt want to sleep after aaron got up. My cold still isnt gone.. its like each day that i wake up to call and reschedule things i feel like crap. Maybe one day! lol So i am going to be going back to the dr this coming week to go over my meds they put me on. There is a few things i want to talk to the dr about.. Some things i am curious about.

We still have tons of snow.. it has been way to cold for alaina to go out and play.. like -5 cold! That is cold.. but yet i am still wearing shorts and tank tops.. I just cant bring myself to wear long sleeves. Its a different kind of weather here. Kinda like montana. I miss there..

Alaina's new word... MOM.... MOM.... MOM.... sometimes i pretend that the word MOM doesnt exist.. lol... The funny thing is she calls my mom, MOM. lol  She misses my parents sooo very much. Cant wait to go back and visit. Even tho that visit is gonna be hard cause i know what happens after it.

Logan is doing great.. getting soooo big! I love waking up to his smiles! He is such a talker to me. He loves his mama!

Anyways... off for now.. Please dont be shy... drop a note and say hi!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

thankful for....

Today i am thankful for my wonderful kids who love their mommy unconditionally.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

thankful for....

Today i am thankful for the wonderful home my husband provides for me and my beautiful babies..

Monday, January 10, 2011

Each day i am thankful for.

Today i am thankful for being able to sleep in my husbands arms... I love him so very much...