Thursday, October 27, 2011

My weight.

I hate my weight. When aaron married me i was 180. At the end of logans pregnancy i was 267. As of 10/24 i was 147. I hate that i have put on so much weight I want to be the thinner girl again.. the girl that didnt have troubles finding a man, finding a date. Not that i want to find a man or a date as i already have 1 and i absolutely love him. But i want that feeling again.

Since i was dx with MS my weight has just kept getting higher and higher... I have tried walking, swimming.. But i cant do much of anything else as i have other medical conditions that affect that.  I just want to be pretty and thin.. Not horribly thin.. But maybe a size 8? im a size 22/24 and i dont like it. I often just cry when i look in the mirror and i see me. I dont like me... I usually make jokes about my butt or my boobs because it is my way of dealing with the comments...

Change the way you eat they say... I would love to. I have tried.. but honestly its really hard when you dont like the taste of alot of things that are good for you. I have cut out cookies, and chips. Sometimes i eat candy but its maybe 1 or 2 peices a day instead of a 3lb bag of m&ms a day. I was drinking 12-24 cans of soda a day, but now its maybe 1 or 2, and if i have a bad headache maybe 3. Other then that no soda for me. Its lemonade or bottled water. Granted its cheaper to drink water out of the tap but i tend not to drink it that way. But if its in a bottle i will drink 3 or 4 a day. So for 3 dollars for 24 isnt bad.

I try to play and stay active with the kids and with a 3 yr old and a 1 yr old how can you not be active? I am constantly going from 1 appt to another and never really have time for myself. I think this sat, i am asking a friend if her older daughter can watch the kids so i can go out to dinner by myself. I just need that break.

I Know this blog is about alot of complaining and i am sorry but its my place to vent.. please speak up give me ideas . If you have read all of this and havent stopped reading my blog thank you sooo much!

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